Gone when you wake up
by oh the cleverness of you
Summary: Brittany and Santana in the future, around graduation


Brittany wasnt dumb. She knew what everyone else thought about her. She knew about the eye rolls, and the hands that covered mouths to hide the laughter at something she had said. So maybe Brittany would never be a doctor or a lawyer, she would never win awards based on her intelligence, but Brittany did know the difference between right and wrong, she knew the difference between love and hate, between caring and indifference. Sometimes Brittany wished that she wasnt so perceptive about somethings, maybe it would be easier if she was academic smart instead. Or maybe just completly dumb would be better, because lying here knowing what she knows, feeling what she feels, makes this morning the hardest thing she has ever had to do.

Graduating high school had not been easy for her, she had to work really hard. And she did, she did it willingly because Santana had told her that in order for them to get out of shit hole lima, then she needed to graduate. So Brittany took all of the extra credit assignments, and spent time with tutors, even though she would rather be dancing, or singing, or just spending time with Santana. And in the end it had all paid off, because she had graduated. She had gotten to walk to the stage with her graduating class, to throw her hat in the air with all of their friends, to hug Santana after she gave her valedictorian speech. (yes Santana was THAT kind of smart) And to sing a sing to her class and their friends and families with the rest of glee.

Brittany thought that she had everything figured out, as most teenagers do i suppose. Her and Santana were getting out of here, Santana got accepted to UCLA. And although Brittany had not been accepted to any colleges there, they had decided that it would be the best place for Brittany to go to find work for her dancing, and she could attend a community college in the meantime. They had planned to get summer jobs so that they could find an apartment together, when they moved. They had spent many a night lying in bed together giggling and planning their future. From furniture and wall paint, to what would be there favourite coffee shop depending on which neighbourhood they liked best at the time. It was all so easy, and even though Brittany knew that it was not this easy for everyone else, she was confident that god had laid a hand with her and Santana. She was so sure that everything was locked together for the two of them, that everything would work out smoothly, she was so sure until she got THE phone call.

Brittany was lying in her bed, gazing out her window. The moon was high in the sky, and not a cloud tarnished the beauty of the stars on this evening. It was late, or early depending on who you asked. It was the last weekend of August. The last summer she would ever spend as a child was coming to a close. She was about to start her life as an adult. The summer was spectacular, Brittany tried to not let anything ruin it because she wanted to remember this one. And it was one to remember. And there had been lots of pictures, and lots of videos. lots of pool parties with the type of friends that you would always keep a piece of with you. And there had been lots of nights spent with the one person that had ever made her feel whole, the one person that made her feel like she had a purpose, and that she was safe. Those were the memories that she would always hold close to her heart.

Brittany looked down and the tanned hand that was splayed across her naked stomach. The hand that was currently applying just enough pressure to keep Brittanys back firmly pressed against her front. She could feel the soft puffs of air on the back of her neck, and hear the light snores in her ear. Santana would always fall asleep cuddled up to her, but generally in the night she would move away. Brittany moved a lot in her sleep, which apparently made it hard for cuddling. Santana never got mad, always just chuckling about how Brittany had kicked her the night before or slapped her face, making a joke that even in her sleep Brittany was dancing. But tonight was different, although she didnt say anything Brittany thinks Santana understood the urgency and the sadness of the evening before.

Brittany pushed Santana down into her bed hard. The latina looked up at her with a question in her eyes and a smirk on her lips. As she went to say something Brittany covered her lips with her own effectively stopping Santana from saying anything at all. Brittany only pulled away to give her enough time to look Santana in the eye and say "no words". Santana put her hands on Brittany face, holding her there for a moment, studying her and trying to figure out what was going on in her head. Finally she nodded, gave her a small smile and pulled the blondes head down to kiss her. And just like Brittany had asked no words were spoken. The Brittany ran her fingers over every surface of Santanas body, followed closely by her mouth. Touching, tasting, smelling, memorizing. She did this until Santana pulled her up and begged her with her eyes. Brittany gave the brunette a soft smile, kissed her on the mouth slowly while reaching her hand down and giving Santana what she had asked for. And when Santana came, her moan was swalloed by Brittany. And finally the silence was broken as Santana whispered into her ear how much she loved her. Brittany could not speak though, and as the latina switched the position to return the favour she found herself feeling so bittersweet that it was pure agony. When santana did that thing she liked, the thing that only Santana had ever been able to do, she came, and she cried.

Brittany had been able to pry herself away from the sleeping latina without disturbing her. She sat at her desk, with a pen and a paper in front of her. Her cellphone in her hand, rereading the text that she had gotten that made her finally get out of the bed.

_**we leave in 30 mins.**_

Santana didnt know that Brittanys bags had been packed for weeks. Santana didnt know that Brittany had no intention of coming with her to LA. Santana like Brittany had thought that everything was easy. Brittany now knew that to not be true. She had recieved a phone call at the very beginning of summer. A phone call that had offered her a job. Someone had seen her dance. Someone had thought she had been good. They wanted her for a tour. A tour that lasted a year, and could potentially become more after that. A tour that was not in LA in fact it was not in North America at all. Brittany had been torn, take it or leave it. She had spoken to her parents to Santanas parents and even one time to Mr Shue, when she had seen him at Breadstix. And everyone told her the same thing, that if she told Santana then she would insist she take it and then follow her around on tour effectively keeping Santana from achieving everything she wanted. And if she didnt take it, there was a good chance that she would never get another 'break'. There were a lot of dancers out there, especially in LA. She knew she had seen So you think you can dance enough times. So it became a question of whose dreams were more important. And it was Mr Shue that had explained that neither is more important than the other. He told her how he had married his high school sweetheart, and although he would always love her they never had time to grow as individuals and it only cause problems later.

Brittany decision was made. She had been inseperable from Santana for as long as she could remember. But Mr Shue was right, if one of them gave up a part of themselves so that they could be together there was always a good chance that resentment could come up later. Maybe this way, when they meet in the future after coming into their own adulthoods seperately they could come back together and it would be better than ever.

Brittany got up from her desk, the note written and signed, her mother had helped her when she had gotten to emotional to say how she really felt. When Santana woke up she would read the note, and then head downstairs to see if it was just a cruel joke. Thats when she would see that both sets of parents were there. Then she would know it was real. But she needed Santana to hate her a little bit, so that she wouldnt follow her, or try and find her, so that she could move on. So that she would leave behind Brittany enough to become and grow into the amazing women that she should be. The blonde gazed one last time at the sleeping girl in her bed. It took every ounce of her self control to not run over and take the girl in her arms and cry until all of this nonsense was gone. But Brittany wasnt dumb, she knew what people thought about her, but she was smart where it counted. And this was one of those times.

Dear Santana,

When you read this, i will be gone. I cant tell you where I am going, because that would kind of ruin everything that im trying to do here. But i will tell you that I am going to dance. I got a dance job, and it was just something i had to do. I didnt tell you because i know you, and you would try and follow me. Well i dont want you to follow me. I need you to go and live your life, to go and do things that you have always wanted to. Its time we grow up anyways. We cant always be living the fairytale. The world is big out there, maybe too big for Brittany and Santana. I mean who meets their soulmate when they are 4 anyways. I want you to walk out of this bedroom with your head held high. I dont want you to cry, or feel sad. I want you to know that you have a piece of me, I will still be with you at all times. I dont want you to regret what we had I want you to embrace it, embrace us and what we were to each other. You helped to make me the person i am today, and i hope that i did the same thing for you. I hoped that knowing me, loving me helped you to become who you are. I hope that you keep that piece of me forever. I want you to face this world knowing that i even though technically i am gone, i am still right behind you every step of the way. I want to tell you that this is only temporary or that I will see you soon. But I cant predict the future, if I could we probably wouldnt be dealing with this right now. What I can tell you, is that I do want you to move on. Dont hold out hope that I will change my mind or that this is all a bad dream. Because its not, this is reality, this is what we have to deal with. We had our time, and its over now...

I dont know what else to say, I love you...But sometimes thats just not enough I guess...

Brittany S. Pierce


End file.
